Lakes

By glorious coincidence Rhys Jones and I must have chosen one of the best january weekends on record to go to the Lakes- beautiful anti-cyclonic weather.

We arrived friday afternoon and headed down to Shepards crag. The Brown slabs are hidden just off of the roadside in a woodland and were bathed in pink light evening light.

Rhys breezed up a rib just off of a VD route which followed an obvious line. Our route was slightly harder but as it wasn't listed in the guide book (guide book was 20yrs old) so we are calling it a first ascent! That proud FA is called 'lunch box sarcastic'.

I followed Rhys up and found him sitting on the top of the crag with the most stunning view over Derwent Water and the hills beyond. The sunset was reflected off of the water in beautiful dashes of colour and it was a peaceful moment sitting up there on those rocks watching the day end.

Saturday dawned bright and clear- the sky a brilliant blue as we set off on another day of rock climbing- this time an attempt of a 140m multi pitch D/VD route on Gillercombe crag.

We could look out at the valley below and see not a soul for miles, and save for the occasional jingle of nuts and cams on a harness or our own 'safe' and 'climbing' shouts to each other, there was not a sound. It was worth a 45 minute walk in- the roadside crags would have been heaving on a day like this.

The route itself was fantastic. We took alternate leads on the 5 pitches which started by following a corner, then moved left up a clear chimney line. We always tried to climb on the ribs in the sunlight, where the climbing was more technical and exposed, but the sunlight was warm on our cold hands.

The second pitch was by far some of the most odd climbing i have ever done- the route dissapears behind a huge stone, meaning that you have to crawl into a hole and push yourself up into a crack no thicker than my chest- put it this way, if i was a stone heavier i wouldn't have fitted through- it was caving on a rock climb!

You re-appear into the glorious sunlight after being stuck in the very claustrophobic and damp crevasse and have to haul your body out- Rhys aptly named it a re-birth.



Onwards and upwards, i led the next pitch. Mentally i am not strong on lead- sport climbing is scary enough, so leading and having to find gear placements and having to place gear so that you are safe is a whole new level of climbing.

I began tentatively making my way up the rib next to the chimney where the route officially follows. I know i am capable of far more technical climbing, but as soon as my feet where off the ground my heart started to race.

6 feet up I placed a cam- i knew i would still hit the deck if i fell.

The foot holds were good but the rib was pushing my body away from the wall- i was hugging the rock trying to find a decent hand hold to the left- there wasn't one. I found myself shouting to Rhys 'i don't think i can do it'.

'Yes you can. Stop being an idiot and get on with it.'

There was nothing for it- I couldn't face defeat- i pushed onto my good left foot and held the tension in my upper body, the extra height meant i found a good hold with my left and and with a great sigh of relief i pulled up to a good stance. PHEW!

We topped out a few hours later and walked back to the car, both extremely happy with such a fun and adventurous route ticked.

In the rock gym it can get boring if you're not pushing yourself technically and physically all the time, but out in the mountains enjoyment comes from the exhiliration of seeing such beautiful views, touching the cold rock with your hands and working out your own route without brightly coloured holds- yes its easy climbing in comparison to the gym, but they are almost uncomparable in the experiences they each offer.

Sunday we nipped up Helvellyn via Striding edge, it seemed that quite a few parties turned back but we found conditions to be fine without crampons and only used axes to descent from the summit onto Swirral edge. The weather by this time was closing in on us- the top was windy and bitingly cold- i put on a wind proof jacket from Karrimor which was super lightweight, i wasn't sure if i should have taken a more heavy duty one, but it worked fantastically. It also had a hood- i recommend not buying a jacket if it doesn't have even a simple hood.



We descended in bad visibility onto Swirral edge, there was no 'cop out' path, we climbed with our hands and feet for 30 minutes over ice, rocks and snow (it felt very alpine!) until finally we emerged back below the cloud line and could spy the valley and our car way below.

As we jumped in the car, ready to begin the 5 hour drive back Rhys said rather depressingly 'don't you hate that moment when you press 'navigate to home' on the sat nav? Its the moment when you realise you have to leave again.'

With that solemn press of a button, the sat nav whizzed into life and pointed our way home. it was back to the real world, until next time.

2011

happy new year to all

for me, 2011 ended with a bang and 2011 has started with a blow

First- 2010. Myself and a group of mates including Rhys Jones (who lead us in the hills) headed up for a taste of the famous Scottish winter. Any British climber worth their salt has heard of or been on a trip north of the border over the winter months to try their hand at ice and mixed climbing.

Last year in 2009 i was having far too much fun in London partying on New Years Eve to think about a week in Scotland- Everest was ahead of me (even though at that point i didn't have the money) and i was 22 and SHOULD have been getting drunk and partying, right?

Fast forward to 2010 and NYE was nearly spent in a snow hole as we topped out of a grade II/III route far too late in the day and had to navigate back to the car park in the dark. We got a bit lost, but found the glorious lights of the ski lifts in the distance and so an epic was narrowly avoided.

We all fell asleep before the clocks chimed 12.

Then i got the flu.

After recovering in Mambo's climbers cafe in Aviemore and spending all my money in Ellis Bringhams we headed back south for work, talks and training.

I thought about it in the car on the way home- it was the best NYE i'd ever had. In the hills, with mates, a bit of climbing then back to the warmth for tea and medals. Give me a climbing trip over a night club any day. Then again, 2010 had been the best year of my life- who'd of thought that little old me would stand on top of the world? My cousin got married- we all went on holiday together, my dad and his partner found out they were expecting another baby- 2010 will define my life for the rest of my life. How can you top that?

Back south i had a few meetings before heading straight back north for a talk in Mansfield- friday i finally got home and could relax- that's when the news came.

My trip to the sea ice of northern canada has been cancelled. We were set to leave in 5 weeks. it was a ski expedition to Ellesmere island- a 400 mile expedition. We hoped to be the first unsupported British team to do it. Everything was coming together, and now its cancelled. To say i'm devastated is an understatement. Reports we are getting is that the sea ice is 50cm thinner than from 2010 records- it's to dangerous to mount an expedition in early feb as our team had hoped.

The worst thing is that i was hoping to work with an amazing charity on the expedition- the Forces Children's trust www.forceschildrenstrust.org who were recently featured on The Sun's Military Awards.

VocaLink, my sponsor, had been passionate about helping this amazing charity too and its plans for an outdoor adventure week in the summer for the children that the charity supports.

FCT offers kids who have lost a parent in the military the chance to meet up with other children in a similar situation- they go on trips together and get to do all sorts of cool things that hopefully offer them a chance to be a child again despite their grief. I really hope i can support them in the future.

The cancelling of the expedition is a massive blow. i've spent the weekend in a bit of a blur. My life, for the moment, is up for grabs. This could be an incredibly good thing or a very bad thing. What was last week a concrete future is now but an idea. I think of all the hours of training and planning, gone to waste on nothing more than a dream.


Yesterday was a beautiful day. My flu is still rattling in my chest and has weakened me- my arms and legs are thinner. I didn't think it would be a good idea to run, but my head was begging for one.

I parked in the muddy car park of the look out, pulled up the zip on my karrimor to keep my neck warm and headed off into the woods. I don't run much alone in here- i've almost forgotten what it feels like.

The setting sun cast the woodlands in shadow, and the orange rays burst occassionally through the trees. It was a beautiful evening and the air was still and cool. I breathed deeply- it felt good to get some fresh air after a week on trains.

What next? I could be on this exact run in a years time but still in the exact same place. Everything had been so clear, and now- i simply don't know what to think. I tell myself there's no rush- better to take my time to make my next move. But i can't shake the sense of urgency to just DO something.

If i'm honest with myself, my goals are quite simple. Too simple to be more than hobbies- i need proper goals. Big goals. But for me the most important goals seem to be the simple ones. In which case i need to make other goals- money making/ career making goals.

My feet glide along the soft orange sands of Swinley forest. My pace quickens as i head down hill towards Surrey Hill. My favourite hill. I want to climb, run, adventure and speak about the aforementioned. Right now i am lucky enough to say that that is exactly what i do. But what about the future?

I pump my arms as i hit the bottom of Surrey hill, my feet slide on the loose rocks and sand. I look to the top- the orange sunset is gleaming on the horizon- just. If i run fast enough i might be able to catch it. I pump harder- the top getting closer but never quite getting there. My lungs expand, thighs pump. The ground flattens and i am greeted with the most stunning sight.

The sunlight ripples amongst the trees. the fiery orb gives off one more burst of light and then lowers below the horizon. My heavy breathing fills the air. I am all alone here- in fact, i haven't seen a single soul.

People say that standing on top of the world must have been the greatest moment of my life. It wasn't. It was just another moment on an incredible journey. This was an incredible moment- alone in these woods with the sunset all to myself, feeling good on a run. What more could any human ask for? Wouldn't life be so simple if such incredible moments were seen as pinnacles and achievements? I can't make a career running in these woods- if i could i would.

I turn and carry on- into the belly of the beast. I zip up and down the mountain bike trails, my legs leap and bound around puddles and mud. This feels good. It's getting dark, i start to head back.

I suppose there is only one answer to all my questions and worries- if i cherish these moments so much, and want to run and climb and adventure, then i have to fight with every ounce to make sure that that happens. I will go to the ends of the earth for it.

Don't give up on yourself.

I don't know what i'll do next. But i do know that i will continue to push myself as hard as i can. I've got a personal list of ticks for 2011, to run certain trail races and climb a certain grade indoors and outdoors. In terms of the bigger picture i am planning to go to the himalayas again and hopefully china in 2012 on expeditions. Is it enough? I hope so, but i know it's not.


When the time for action comes i hope i am ready- i'm scared of the unknown and of starting from the beginning again, but what scared me even more is that i let opportunities in the unknown pass me by.


Happy 2011- who is going to take a leap of faith with me this year?

Glorious Lakes

Some pics from the Lakes c/o Rhys Jones- taken at Gimmer crag, jake's rake and Sharp Edge BOOIFUL! thanks Rhys

Can't wait to go back- if you haven't visited you must. It really is incredible.

Kendal

So pretty much stuck at home today as our driveway has turned into an icy ski jump leading straight onto the main road

whilst this weather isn't particuarly great on a day to day basis- for winter climbing in the Uk its a dream!

Myself and a few friends are planning our ice climbing trip to scotland this Christmas- we're heading up to Aviemore for what will hopefully be one of the best winters on record!

a quick round up of Kendal mountain festival- it really was a fantastic experience as a first timer. Listening to Alpinists such as herve barnasse and the Pua Brothers speak about their trips around the world, i wanted to pack my bags and head off to the Himalaya there and then. Leo Houlding's new film The Prophet, about his new route on El Cap was also very cool and well worth a watch.

The weather was beautiful and it almost seemed like a crime not to be out in the hills enjoying it. Rhys, Jon and I stayed in a lovely littkle farm cottage about 2 miles from the nearest village and woke up evey morning surrounded by the beautiful green fells and lots of sheep and chickens- and then went inside or talks and films all day!

the evenings were wound up with drinks in the Brewery arts centre where the entire festival seemed to congregate- it was an awesome weekend and if you have the chance to go next year- do!

the last two days of our trip was spent scrambling- we zipped up Jacks Rake and Sharp Edge. An attempt on some rock was made but embarassingly i got cold feet (literally) and called time on it with dark only a few hours away. We ended up at Kendal rock wall for some boulding once night as was our thirst to get some actual climbing done.

Jacks rake is a really cool scramble in the summer- grade 1 and requires a helmet. Its only 30 mins from the nearest car park and close to the top has some slabs which if you fancy can make quite a fun boulding session. the walk out is clearly marked on a well used path and for a few hours in the hills with great views its fantastic.

Sharp edge is slightly short lived and reminded me more of Crib Goch though perhaps not as scary. it was pretty icy and on the tops it was snowy. Again- stunning views of the lakes- views to easily compare with the Himalaya. something that kids or people new to scrambling would feel safe doing. I tried to go for a swim in the tarn at the bottom- it didn't last long.
I've since nipped up to sheffield and climbed at the Foundry which has a really good bouldering area and cool traverse wall which has been sculpted in places to be more like real rock.

Back down south i was the only climber at craggy island yesterday morning, and running today in the woods like id hoped seems a little fruitless. its a gym session then i guess.

Lastly- just finished reading Dave MacLeod's book '9 out of 10 climbers make the same mistakes'. if you rock climb READ IT! www.davemacleod.com it is well worth it, i am climbing much harder already- it will improve your climbing, so buy it!

Next blog will be after i come back from germany where i am dusting down some skis for the first time in years. Ski touring in Bavaria is apprently pretty famous and hopefully will live up to such a great reputation. see you then and merry christmas!

Autumn

Possibly my favourite time of the year- simply love the colours and the sunsets which you simply don't get in any other season.

I've been making good use of my new phone to capture some of these stunning moments- i have no idea how to edit these images or perhaps make the most out of the tools on the camera, but the raw pictures seem to do a small amount of justice to what are some of the most glorious vistas i've ever seen- and all in the UK. Fantastic.

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Thank you to everyone who came to see my recent talks at the ski show and the PPP forum- it's very odd because Everest almost feels like a dream that never actually happened, until i begin talking about it again and i am thrown right back onto its slopes and often when i'm going through my slides a memory hits me like a bold of lightening- i am so very lucky to be able to re-live such a once in a life time experience on a regular basis.

It was lovely to catch up with some old faces at the show and meet some new ones- come down next year and get in on the fun! www.metrosnow.co.uk

Lots of school talks coming up- starting with one in Rickmansworth tomorrow as part of the VocaLink Everest schools tour. Can't wait!

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So it was my birthday last week and so i am now at the grand old age of 23. I feel like there is so much left to do in such a short space of time!! I can't believe i was 20 when the dream of Everest took over- it seems like yesterday. Thanks for the lovely flowers from Vocalink, a constant support from start to finish- i really can't thank them enough for everything they have done for me- thanks guys.

Now to see what 2011 brings- fingers crossed for an exciting and tough year!

*

Lots coming up as we move into winter now- i will be spending this weekend down in Dartmoor for training with my expedition team. We're leaving in February and it's training for the South Pole- i can't say anymore than that. The weekend will be spent tyre hauling, running and generally beasting ourselves and of course bonding in the pub in the evenings. Oh- and did i mention that everyone there is from a military background except me?!

Then its off to the Kendal Mountain Festival the weekend after with Rhys Jones- we're going to stay up a few extra days in the Lakes for some climbing and bouldering- weather permitting! www.mountainfest.co.uk for anyone who wants more info- its the 18th- 21st November and is the biggest annual festival of film and speakers in the UK- not to be missed!

i'll be sure to get lots of photos of both weekends.

*

Training has been going well and my climbing has improved loads since taking bouldering a bit more seriously- however i've since got an injury on my right elbow which i'l be getting acupuncture for on Thursday (thanks sean). There are loads of new routes at Craggy Island in Guildford- there's not a better time to start climbing now the days are so short- check out www.craggy-island.com and book onto a beginners course

I am now climbing 6a+ fairly consistently at craggy (grading is considered pretty stiff!) and top roping over hanging 5's, so getting there- slowly! Consistent 6b by New Year and i'll be happy.

Would love to get out on some real rock and climb though- people in Chamonix i hope you realise how lucky you are!

Running has also been shaken up a bit- on saturday i went with my trusted running partner, my auntie Belinda, down to swinley forest where we did hill sprints for the first time- the result? Fantastic! it was actually really nice to sprint in short bursts- i love a good sprint at the end of a run but you are always aware of keeping a strong pace until the end- with hill sprints you can go gun blazing thighs pumping for 15-20 seconds then jog back down the hill to recover. I loved it and so hill sprints will definitely become a (dare i say it) regular feature on my training schedule- and there are plenty of bigger hills in the forest to keep us on our toes.

So, whilst running for me is more than just excercise, i've been a devotee now for 6 years and as much as i love my long runs, i'm not sure how good they are in comparison to interval and sprint sessions. My knees are beginning to suffer a bit- it's going to be hard but i am determined to cut the long runs down and take on a faster pace- watch this space!


until next time...

Bonita

17th June- One month on and adapting to life beyond the big E

I'm sitting here in my room, trying to sort out kit and bits and pieces from the expedition- prayer flags, my scarf from llama geshe, the poster that Alli and Kritika made me after the summit- so many little trinkets which just seem too overwhelming to put in a box and be forgotten with.

Holding a little piece of rock that i took from just below the summit, i can't believe that this time a month ago i was standing on top of the world. I love this piece of rock- it looks so boring and non-descript, but it is from a place that so many hold dear to their hearts- people who might never even see Everest that appreciate the history and significance of our planets highest point.

People keep asking- 'what's it like to be back?', i will often say 'fantastic, amazing!, or i might tell the truth and say that it really, really hurts. For a long time i couldn't get to grips with why i was so despressed, i am back home with my loved ones, the pressure off my shoulders and the sun is shining- i should be over the moon, right?

I realised that simply- i had lost a part of me when i left that mountain. I can still remember the sherpas faces as i peered out of the chopper before it whisked us away. I can still remember the vivid sunrises- especially on summit day, when we looked down on the horizon and saw the orange sun suddenly burst into view and flood the valleys below with golden light. Mostly, i can remember the laughter and banter in the mess tent- we ate three meals a day together for 6 weeks. We had become like family.

I suppose it is like the nostalgia that anyone gets when they return from a great holiday and have to face reality. The odd thing is, i have never felt more content, more happy to just 'be' than before the summit. That kind of contentment is like being at 'one' i suppose, i have never felt that state of wholeness before and never since. It is wierd because at that point the pressure of not knowing was huge- on Everest you set yourself up for failure as the odds are against you, but there was something telling me to be still, to do what i had come to do- the rest is in the universe's hands.

For anyone thinking about attempting an ascent themselves, i would say do it- but do it for the right reasons. it was such a shame to hear of some climbers calling it 'purgatory'. Others saying it was like a chain around their necks, that they HAD to summit before they could go on and do other things. Everest woke something up inside me- from the moment the thought came into my head that i could do it, it has never stopped inspiring me and giving me a reason to work harder, do better and strive to be the best.

It is not just a mountain- it is the country, the people, the climbing, the history- but most importantly, it is what you learn about yourself- about what you're made of. And it's not just Everest that can give you that- Manaslu for me had an equal effect.

People ask what have i learnt from my experience. A lot, and mostly about myself. Mostly- you learn what your flaws are, you learn your weaknesses and how you react to situations. Oddly, i didn't realise what my weaknesses were until i returned- i am terrible at emotion, terrible at communicating properly and lack empathy. For me, returning to normality was the most pressure i have ever been under- and my adjustment back to reality has upset a lot of people.

I have learnt that being outdoors, having a physical challenge, looking after oneself and having time to think is when i feel most alive. Being back home, i am really struggling to work out who i am- Everest has changed so much of my perspective.

I know that these words are simply that of a person grieving, and that in time i will be able to allow the joys of returning home to overwhelm the feeling of sadness and loss of knowing that a year and a halfs hard work and dreaming is now all over. Happy Fathers day to you.

My Dad was for a long time the only person who supported and believed that i could climb Everest. When most of my friends and family were scared that i would die and didn't want me to go, he would say to me: 'it's YOUR dream Bonnie, i'll do as much as i can to help you'. And he did, without him i would never have been able to do what i have done. My dream was to call him from the summit- a lot of my motivation came from the idea that i would call my dad from the top of the world. Unfortunatly it wasn't meant to be. He recieved a text message instead!Love you dad x

a big thank you

So, back home finally- to my mum, my dad, all my family and to my own bed!

England looks absolutely beautiful with fresh eyes- when i left it was still miserable winter and now: SUMMER!!

I am still missing Everest dearly. In Kathmandu i had my first meal alone for 6 weeks- eating soup at the yak and yeti buffet without the usual banter from the team was really depressing, i just wanted to be back with them in the mess tent, wearing my down jacket and munching on Bihm's fantastic fare.


Obviously, i have read all the comments on this blog and take them seriously- to those asking why i havent thanked my rescuers enough- the courage to come out of your warm tent and go back into the freezing cold and dark to help someone is truly heroic. As i said in that blog- i owe the sherpas and the team that came up to help, my life.

Overall, i feel incredibly guilty that this ordeal happened. It just goes to show that one small mistake, one small slip, can have such huge concequences on a mountain like Everest. The ascent and beginning of the desent on summit day was absolutely text book- i was feeling strong, and throughout the expedition, had had no other problems and was a strong member on a strong team.

Would i have gotten down alive if i didnt have the team around me? Its very unlikely. I would have most likely suffered from exhaustion and the cold and died on the path, unable to move fast enough back to camp. it scares me to think that such a small injury rendered me so useless.

I am so lucky to have had not only support but GOOD support. In my opinion we had the most professional sherpas on the mountain, they were fast and didn't mess around- they were true heroes.

Better mountaineers than me have died on big peaks like Everest, and i am sure that some of them need not of if they had had the support that i had that night. Thankfully, the day after next we all arrived back at BC, i was in a huge amount of pain with my back, but we were safe and the ordeal was over- that was a huge relief.

So back home, on reflection of the entire expedition- whilst i can say it was the time of my life, and when i was asked yesterday in an interview if i preferred all the media pampering or being on everest- i replied dead pan: Everest. And i meant it- give me sunrise in the ice fall over a photo shoot any day. It is still marred by the fact that i caused such a dangerous situation for those sherpas and my team that came up to help- from the bottom of my heart i have thanked them for helping me, but it will never be enough.

So again: Lakpa, Dorje, Rick, Greg, Victor, Henry, Kami, Tom, Namgel, , KC Lakpa. Thank you.

Bonita